The “Hit & Run” Bandits

 

Foolishly, my cousin, friend, & I were coming home from a night of debauchery. It was my cousin’s “reclaim my sexy” (divorce anniversary)  night. Unfortunately, he’s always tied to some chick right before he’s suppose to “reclaim” it, so it turns into more of a “let’s hang out and look at all the beautiful ladies, talk about the beautiful ladies, & go home drunk together…”. Of course our responsibility level is much higher then that of our twenties. We all have breached the “30’s” threshold, and try to maintain some sort of resemblance of mature adults.

So after walking to and sitting in waffle house for a few hours flirting with every waitress and woman that walked in, we were ready to go home. We walk back to the car, start down the road. We’re sitting at the light and look over and see the car next to us backing up. At least that’s what we thought at first. Next thing we know, they back right into the car behind them. No one reacts. The car behind them doesn’t blow their horn, no one gets out the car. We proceed to watch the car slip out of gear and do the same thing again. So of course, even though we know we’re sober at this point we’re tripping because this seems like one of those “drunk glasses” episodes (you know when your drunk and you see something totally different then everyone else). So we just sit there in amazement. My cousin then gets the idea when the light changes and the car takes off that he’s going to aid in the capture of the “hit & run” bandits.

So we start driving beside them, the car in front of them starts slowing down in front of them, the actual car that was hit is lagging behind. We see there is a parked truck on the side of the rode, so the car in front of them slows down almost to a stop, and my cousin is asking us if he should stop too. We have them cornered, and then realize the car they hit is no where to be found. So at this point we figure there is nothing else to do, but go on about our business. We had did all of that, for the “victims” to just pull over and call the police. At least we weren’t the only “hit& run” Rangers.

Handicapped vs. The Post Office

 

I’m making a quick dash for the post office. Yes I know it closes at 5pm. Yes I know I should have started my journey before 4:38pm, because I live about 15 minutes away. Still, Friday afternoon it should be a breeze right? After all normal people are trying to rush home to their families and jump start their weekend fun. I stop at the stop sign, proceed around the corner to find that everyone in the entire city is at the post office.

Okay, maybe that’s what I get huh? I pull into the overcrowded parking lot and there are no spaces except…da da daah “Handicap Only”.  Living in many cities, mostly in the downtown areas. I’ve had my experience with the “I’m just going to run in, it’s okay to park here for a second..” or the “I’m just getting money out of the ATM, no police is going to randomly patrol the bank parking lot to give me a ticket…”. Yet to my amazement I’ve been ticketed, once too many times if you asked me. So learning from my mistakes I decide not to partake in the privileged parking and circle around like a vulture praying someone has given up their space. I circle once, twice, three times, so many times I swear I’m going to get dizzy..all while the time ticks away. I now have 3 minutes to walk into the post office before they lock the doors till Monday.

Finally someone leaves their space and I zip in and run into the post office. The line inside is ridiculous, and the obnoxious Passport picture taker man is asking anyone if they are in line for a “Non-Postal” reason. It’s like dude, it’s closing time, we are INSIDE of the post office. At this point the only reason we are in line is for a “Postal” reason. I watch as this woman standing in front me gets out of line to ask him just what a “Non Postal” reason was. Being the “my time is everything” person I am I casually scoot up. Then she proceeds to slide back in front of me as if I wouldn’t notice. So I don’t say nothing. Then I she again steps out of line to get a box (may I add she had to build it, with no tape, no pen, no nothing!). She again walks right back in front of me. We continue to move closer and closer to the counter. I notice her construction on her box has ceased. To most people it would seem as if she was finished, but my gut was telling me otherwise. Like clockwork, she walks up to the counter and ask “Do you have the Priority Label for this box?”. Seems like a reasonable question right? That was until I looked right next to me at the big sign that said, “PRIORITY LABELS, PLEASE FILL OUT BEFORE REACHING THE COUNTER”.

She turns around and smiles at me and loudly proclaims, “I’m sorry I know I’m holding these people up…”. She continued to hold everyone up while I finally got to the next clerk. I have my package ready and the lady looks at me and says, “You know since it’s after 5, it’s not going to go in until the next day?”. This is why they say “Don’t go Postal!” because not only are they crazy, but they bring the crazy out of you too. I remain calm, do my little countdown, smile and just say, “Ok”. I walk out the same time as the box lady, who is dancing like someone turned on some strobe lights. I hold the door open and watch as she walks over to the handicapped parking space, I should have taken. No handicap sticker, no physical handicap displayed, & no ticket for parking there.

The whole incident just brought out my resentment for Handicapped parking in general. Why are there so many Handicapped parking spaces? And why are the majority of the people parked in them with the stickers not really handicapped. It’s getting so bad these days, there is also, “Expecting Mothers”, “Police Deputy”, and “Employee of the Month” restricted parking. It’s impossible to get a parking space within a 1 mile radius of the actual door. I’m gonna start carrying a cone in my car, with a sign taped to a stick..”I’m Not Handicapped, but I want to park in the front too!” and place it in front of my car every time I go someplace. Wanna bet how fast that sign gets stolen?

Dirty Old Lady!

 

So, I’ve exhausted all my other options. The bathroom is just too filthy, the other one is locked. I decide to “relieve” myself in nature. So I find a private area and turn the faucet on. I had been holding it for a while, so with my eyes closed I was beginning to feel like I could breathe again. I open my eyes and to my surprise this woman is just standing over to the side staring at me.

Two options: (1) Cease & Retreat (2) Keep Going & Ignore. Unfortunately I could do neither so I continued to ”flow”, and stared back at her. Do you know this lady did not waiver in her stares? She did not take her eyes off of me, nor go away. In fact until the awkwardness of me “finishing” she just continued to look at me as if I had invited her to watch. 

My “feel goodness” was gone, replaced with a dirty sensation. Was she overly impressed by my dexterity? Did she like what I was holding? Was she outraged that I was standing there “shooting the breeze” literally that she couldn’t take her eyes off me. Either way, she should have found her manners somewhere and gave me some privacy.  Dirty old lady!

Boycott Crooked Gas Stations..

 

Okay I understand what your saying, “Do Not Read in my store!”. Yet come on it’s just magazines! Can’t I browse and make sure I want to spend almost $5 on some colored paper in a binder? It’s not like I’m opening up the magazines in the plastic with the censor bars over the good stuff. Or i’m thumbing through a magazine I really don’t want to buy. I just actually want to see if the article is worth spending $5 on.

It’s bad enough I forgot to get a receipt when I paid for my gas. I come back into the store and have to wait 10 minutes behind the lady on the phone asking “Whoever” it is she’s talking to to give her some ”Fantasy 5″ numbers. Or that I standing in front of a man who wants to share my personal space, he’s standing so close I can hear his thoughts. It’s crazy that when I do get to the counter, you get annoyed because I didn’t ask for a receipt when I was in there the first time. Your a business, I need a receipt! Does it matter when I ask for it? My car is still parked in front of the pump. You know how much I paid just push in the numbers and give me the paper. I bet you don’t want me reading that in your store either, huh?